It is still entirely too weird being on the birth control pill as part of my fertility treatments. 3 days in, 11 to go. Taking a little pill every day to hope to reduce the size of a cyst, one that is preventing the next cycle from starting. The 2.4 cm cyst that is changing our family plan. We wanted to try in October, the insane length of time it took to get in to the clinic after we got our referral in August prevented that. Well I did have an appointment in October, until the clinic cancelled it and rescheduled it for December. We were finally ready to actually start in February, but we all know how that has been turning out.
I can't wait to be moving forward again. Being stalled feels more like failure than anything else. Taking birth control at any time in this process feels like failure. I hate this feeling. But I also moved forward with other things. I used C's help to contact a new therapist, one that shouldn't charge 250 AFTER insurance, and try to assign me to the wrong therapist. Trust me, I don't need a doctor who specializes in Trans issues, that is not why I need therapy, I need PTSD therapy. I need help working on my anxiety and depression, I need help processing all the panic attacks and the fears, and the flashbacks. I need help communicating with the people close to me. I need help not over reacting internally to every stimuli. I need help feeling level again. I don't need help processing the fact my husband is trans, I am good with that, have never had an issue with that, and will never have an issue with that. Keeping most of him is so much better than losing all of him. and when he wasn't living his true life he was suicidal. I could have lost ALL of him.
No comments:
Post a Comment